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So far, we have learnt a little about the origins of the eulogy. I hope that it was not morbid, but that you learnt something from it or, at the very least, that it gave you a new perspective on what a eulogy is and what it is intended to achieve.
In death, however, we should be ethical.
Jesus said to His mother at the wedding in Cana:
“Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” John 2:4
The implication is significant. Jesus was indicating that His public ministry and the signs associated with it had not yet begun. Contradicting what a person said or demonstrated about themselves in life, particularly after their death, without evidence or proof, is wrong.
WHEN “SPEAKING WELL” BECOMES DISHONOURBy speaking only good of a person's life, we can actually dishonour the dead.
I will use another clear and well-known person as an example: the historical figure behind the legend of Santa Claus—Saint Nicholas of Myra.
Saint Nicholas was a devoted Christian who lived during the third and fourth centuries, approximately 270–343 AD, in Asia Minor, modern-day Turkey. He served as a Christian bishop and became famous for his secret gift-giving and his defence of his faith.
The Christian practice associated with his gift-giving connects with the teaching in Matthew 6:3:
“Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.”
Today, many people want to focus on Saint Nicholas's good deeds. But in doing so, we can lose the meaning of his life—the principle by which he lived and the essence of the man himself. What is even worse is that we use his life to pull others away from the Christian beliefs that inspired his works by replacing Jesus Christ with Santa Claus.
We actually dishonour him by turning him into Santa Claus and, worst yet, by capitalising on his story when the man himself practised piety and secret generosity. He did not want his story to be used in such ways.
There is a lesson here.
When we reduce a person's life to the parts that are convenient, entertaining or profitable, we can distort the very life we claim to be honouring.
THE ETHICAL RESPONSIBILITY OF THE EULOGISTThere is another ethical dimension to the eulogy.
The person being discussed cannot defend themselves.
I believe there is a deeper purpose for the eulogy. Jesus paid for this person's life, and there will be a judgement for each of us when we die. A eulogy reminds us that we all have to answer to someone. We are witnesses to this person's life, and in giving a eulogy, we are, in a sense, testifying about them like in a court case.
There is a spiritual side to death. That means the person delivering the eulogy has a spiritual responsibility.
You should not use someone's funeral to settle old scores, expose embarrassing secrets, make yourself the centre of attention or manipulate the audience. God is not pleased with any of that. Manipulating the role of the eulogist for any of these objectives is witchcraft. A practice of deception.
The deceased should remain the centre. But Jesus is the ultimate goal of the eulogy and the funeral.
But there is another interesting tension here:
A eulogy is about the dead, but it is written for the living.
That tension is what makes this form of writing and memory so interesting.
There is also a cultural aspect to the eulogy.
Human beings have always been concerned with memory. Memory forms part of our oral traditions, and the eulogy helps us pass on the oral tradition of the deceased.
But ethics and culture can, and do, come into conflict. The transformation of the life of Saint Nicholas into the cultural figure of Santa Claus demonstrates this.
Coincidentally, it also raises another issue: the way the cultural story of Santa Claus can overshadow the true meaning of the Christmas celebration.
Here again we see a conflict between culture and ethics.
What happens when the story we pass down becomes more important than the truth behind the story? What happens when memory is shaped by culture until the person being remembered is almost unrecognisable? These are ethical questions.
DEATH, MEMORY AND LEGACYWe die physically, but our relationships with other people do not simply disappear at the moment of death.
The impact and lasting memory of a person can continue for at least one other person—and sometimes for generations.
People continue to exist in memory:
- through stories;
- through photographs;
- through children;
- through institutions they built;
- through lessons they taught;
- through values they transmitted;
- through people whose lives they changed;
- through continued behaviours and traditions.
The eulogy participates in that process. It says:
- This person existed.
- This person affected us.
- This person's story belongs to our collective memory.
In this way, there is also a scientific aspect to a eulogy.
The life of a person can become a case study of their practices, words, beliefs, environment, way of thinking, family and community. We can examine what they did, what they said, what they believed, how they responded to their circumstances and how their circumstances influenced them.
Their life becomes evidence from which others can learn.
This brings us back to the Greek meaning of the word eulogia—“good words.” That meaning is beautiful. It isn't merely about saying nice things.
We make good of our words by giving value and meaning to the person's life.
It is about using words to preserve something of a life that has ended physically.
WHY MEMORY MATTERSHuman survival depends, in part, on learning the lessons of those who have died.
Because of the comforts and innovations we have today, we can easily forget that we are created beings on Earth and that human existence itself can face extinction.
Every generation inherits knowledge from the generations that came before it.
- We learn from their successes.
- We learn from their failures.
- We learn from their mistakes.
- We learn from their beliefs.
- We learn from their choices.
- We learn from the consequences of their actions.
The dead therefore have something to teach the living.
Our desire to remember life gives hope to those who remain: that, in the greater context of existence, when death comes, something of our life may continue through others.
Our words, our actions, our values, our children, our teachings, our institutions and our traditions can all become part of what survives us.
Perhaps this is one of the deeper purposes of the eulogy. It does not bring the dead back to life. It helps the living understand the life that was lived. And perhaps, if we are willing to listen, it can teach us how to live the life that remains better.
Jesus paid for us with His life and blood. Our life and death belongs to Him. Even in death our life is about Him. That is why the eulogy must serve a Jesus purpose that is to draw others to Christ. Our life must prove His word is true and the eulogy ultimately explains that. We have to see how God's word is is real in this person's life. Not with judgement but with the love of Christ.
